You can't motorboat a personality
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
