my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
