o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
