he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I think i got beer on your cat.
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