I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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