You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
