When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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