So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
