barbara walters just said penis...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
