Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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