She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Found the puke drawer
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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