well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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