do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize