Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
