Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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