so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
