Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
