My brain says no but my pants say off.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
