So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
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Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
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I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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