Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it was like eating out sand paper
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
