Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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