well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
