Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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