I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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