Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
