I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
