I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
