i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
