Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
