My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
