her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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