Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
