Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
