Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
