hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
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Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
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His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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