You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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