Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
