Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
