half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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