YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
