I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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