Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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