im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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