Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
