I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
