Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
