College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
