STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
