So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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