After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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