She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
