I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
