once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
