i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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