Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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