I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
