So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
