I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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