By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
