my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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