If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
