Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
