there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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