apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
