Apparently you make a good broom.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
