We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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