New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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