puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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