Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
