u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
