Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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